I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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