I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I would fuck him just for his dog
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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