What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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