Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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