we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
