im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Randomize
