Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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