i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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