Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
