The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
