8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
