it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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