ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
