I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
