Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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