Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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