We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
