Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
