i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
