Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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