just come out here and I will go home with you...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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