I heard we made out
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
