kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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