i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
