I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
