There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
