There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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