Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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