The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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