Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
the raccoons are back...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
