Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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