We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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