I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
