In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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