I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I won't apologize to a one balled man
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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