this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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