I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
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she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
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I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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