i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
