A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
