Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
