Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
