yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
The ass gains better be worth it
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