You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
