Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
