and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
