K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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