Your face is a jimmy john
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
