Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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