That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
