nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
