she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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