New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
