9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
