I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
