69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
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We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
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She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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