Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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