i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
