everyone is single if you try hard enough
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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