a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
