Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
