I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
