I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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