Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
