I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
