and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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