JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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