meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
be right there i have to get my cape
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
