I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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