dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
