Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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