My underwear smells like fireworks.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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