How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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