My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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