I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
