Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
