It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
